Wonderfully interesting piece concerning good old Stratford upon Avon and its problem with Canada geese on Midlands Today (TV) yesterday. (Zzzzzzzzzzzz).
Did you know Canada geese deposit something like 2lbs of birdy doo-doo every day?
No neither did I.
Apparently these feathery foreign types refuse to defecate in the water like any decent bird and insist on leaving their mucky stuff strewn willy-nilly over Stratford’s river walkways. Very dangerous. Lots of little green accidents waiting to happen. [Thinks; These creatures must be the most useless of the feathery world. You can't eat them and their waste is no good for the garden. What's the point of Canada geese I ask myself?]
But wait. All is not lost. According to Midlands Today, a dog is to be trained to keep these nuisance birds on the move. Hurrah.
Hang on...wait a sec...where’s the dog going to do his business that’s what I want to know? Unless the brains behind this innovative scheme (I bet it's the Council) supply their furry friend with a portaloo I don’t see the point. If there was a competition between dog-poo and Canadian geese-poo I know what I’d vote for.
And talking of shit. Midlands Today is the worst TV news programme I think I have ever seen. A real life Alan Partridge concoction if ever I saw one and worth watching for that very reason.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Who you looking at?
'It is a remarkable fact, that the houses which are most splendid from without, appear most dismal and comfortless from within. ...But nevertheless the “palace” is always crowded with guests, who, standing, staggering, crouching, or lying down, groaning, and cursing, drink and forget'.
Max Schlesinger (Gin Palaces), Saunterings in and about London 1853.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Government has finally admitted (The Times) that binge drinking leading to violence is not only out of control in our City centres but in our small towns as well (See Stratford upon Bloodbath). The odds that you will be attacked by a complete stranger (i.e. drunken moron) whilst taking a relaxing Saturday evening stroll through your hometown are up also.
Personally my anger is solidly aimed at the money grabbing, irresponsible, faceless, soul and society destroying, pygmy-brained idiots behind such ‘concepts’ as the Yates’s Wine Bar chain and Chicago Rock assembly line. It’s their (and others like them) two-for-the-price-of-one supermarket-like greed-based philosophy of pile ‘em in, fill ’em up, let ‘em go especially if they’re young and stupid, that's the greatest destroyer of brain cells and thereby young lives this country has ever known. And it’s getting worse. New abattoirs bars are opening all the time. Who needs a war when you’ve got a bunch of corporate arseholes like the deadheads behind ‘Drink yourself to Death inc’. The enemy within, without a shadow of a doubt.
Tie this to the fact that the Police authorities have just taken a hefty rise via your Council Tax yet still appear to be out of action and missing from the streets, and the mind finally boggles. Someone do something please.
…aaaand…relax.
Max Schlesinger (Gin Palaces), Saunterings in and about London 1853.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Government has finally admitted (The Times) that binge drinking leading to violence is not only out of control in our City centres but in our small towns as well (See Stratford upon Bloodbath). The odds that you will be attacked by a complete stranger (i.e. drunken moron) whilst taking a relaxing Saturday evening stroll through your hometown are up also.
Personally my anger is solidly aimed at the money grabbing, irresponsible, faceless, soul and society destroying, pygmy-brained idiots behind such ‘concepts’ as the Yates’s Wine Bar chain and Chicago Rock assembly line. It’s their (and others like them) two-for-the-price-of-one supermarket-like greed-based philosophy of pile ‘em in, fill ’em up, let ‘em go especially if they’re young and stupid, that's the greatest destroyer of brain cells and thereby young lives this country has ever known. And it’s getting worse. New abattoirs bars are opening all the time. Who needs a war when you’ve got a bunch of corporate arseholes like the deadheads behind ‘Drink yourself to Death inc’. The enemy within, without a shadow of a doubt.
Tie this to the fact that the Police authorities have just taken a hefty rise via your Council Tax yet still appear to be out of action and missing from the streets, and the mind finally boggles. Someone do something please.
…aaaand…relax.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Lord knows I needed something to have good old chortle at this morning and thanks to my favourite newspaper there it was, front page news.
It seems, according to Town Councillor Bill Lowe (Prosecution), that during the building of *Studley Swimming Pool the builders forgot, wait for it, the builders forgot, hang on let me get my breath here, the builders forgot to…to water-proof it.
Cllr Lowe, (by an amazing coincidence an ex-swimming pool engineer) alleges…
‘The water membrane was not installed. If it was not done then tiles would fall off. Tiles did fall off’.
He goes on to allege another amazing oversight…
’The water membrane was not put in the contract specification’.
Greengrass pauses to hold aching sides. Head swimming (no pun intended). Vision cloudy.
Cllr Juliet Short (for the Defence and portfolio holder for leisure services) replies…
’I can’t comment…There is a full investigation underway…I don’t want anything swept under the carpet’…(including herself it would seem, as she finally promises that)…’I will not adhere to anything being swept under the carpet’. The goodness for that we'd hate to lose you.
Collapse of Lawn Greengrass holding sides and hysterical.
Begins to bleed heavily from nose and mouth after learning that the Studley swimming pool debacle has so far, lost £600,000 of tax-payers hard-earned spondolicks.
It seems, according to Town Councillor Bill Lowe (Prosecution), that during the building of *Studley Swimming Pool the builders forgot, wait for it, the builders forgot, hang on let me get my breath here, the builders forgot to…to water-proof it.
Cllr Lowe, (by an amazing coincidence an ex-swimming pool engineer) alleges…
‘The water membrane was not installed. If it was not done then tiles would fall off. Tiles did fall off’.
He goes on to allege another amazing oversight…
’The water membrane was not put in the contract specification’.
Greengrass pauses to hold aching sides. Head swimming (no pun intended). Vision cloudy.
Cllr Juliet Short (for the Defence and portfolio holder for leisure services) replies…
’I can’t comment…There is a full investigation underway…I don’t want anything swept under the carpet’…(including herself it would seem, as she finally promises that)…’I will not adhere to anything being swept under the carpet’. The goodness for that we'd hate to lose you.
Collapse of Lawn Greengrass holding sides and hysterical.
Begins to bleed heavily from nose and mouth after learning that the Studley swimming pool debacle has so far, lost £600,000 of tax-payers hard-earned spondolicks.
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